I guess some lessons in life never come easy. Like the one that continually repeats in my life.The one where others are unwillingy to love outside of their blood line. I guess that's a hard one for me to understand becuase that's not the way I was raised. Well I don't know if that's necessarlily the reason, but my mother has always been an example of Christ like love to me. And I guess that's one of the good things I picked up along the way.... and for that I am grateful. I have generally had the ability to love most people, and granted it's easier when I like them , then when I don't. Not saying I'm perfect at it, and there are people I straight out hate! I'm not going to lie and say I am perfect and love everyone perfectly. But I have always been able to love (unconditionally) those in my life like my step children, my in-laws, and non-blood relations as family. But it rarely seems to be returned. And that's just something I don't understand. It causes me great pain and distress. I can only imagine how I would feel about having my boys marry someone who already had children. I would be so excited to have more special children in my life to love. And I would love and accept them as my own and treat them no differently than any other grandkids I might have. This is an example my parents have shown me. They love all of their grandkids equally, and for that I will be eternally grateful! And not just the ones that were born in their blood line, I'm talking even boyfriends and girlfriends kids. ALL accepted.... ALL loved. Love is what makes the world go round. And some poeple think they can't share it equally with everyone. It hurts so much as a mother to have wanted for so long to have a father for my boys. And now that they have one that really loves and cares about them, they can't get that same love and acceptance from his extended family. It is a most painful situation to be in for all of us. But the way I see it is, it's their loss! Just like the boys biological fathers abandoning them. They are the LOSERS! They have NO idea ALL the wonderful joys that will NEVER be theirs. And as long as we have each other, I guess if the other people choose to miss out on our lives, that is THEIR choice. And there's not much I can do about that. It's not my own pain I feel, it's the pain of a son betrayed, and grandsons who knows they are loved less..... That is the painful part. I can handle my own... It's the pain, hurt, suffering, disappointment, and loss of those I love that hurts me in the very core of my heart. Love shouldn't be used to hurt other people. Love is meant for ALL!! To be shared, shown, spread, and given! In abundance! That's something I try to do. Love is the ONLY thing that has gotten me this far, it's the only thing that's gotten any of us this far.... This really sucky lesson that I'm learning AGAIN, is only going to help me love more! And as painful and as crappy as this is, I can choose to make good out of it. I can choose to love more freely, more Christ like, more daily, more humbly. And at least for that, it can help me become a better person. And who knows how it might help someone else along the way. If I can love and try to be an instrument in His hands, then I think that's a good thing.
Hard lesson = Better me.
Love to all ~ A
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